have you ever felt as if your heart was broken in two pieces? i felt like that. 4 months ago.
And as I can't stand suffering, I automatically glued it with a tape, and made a weak, but functional, wound dressing. This band-aid was my e.d. Starving and doing diets made me feel prettier, fabulous, wonderful and better, as if I couldn't be appearing to suffer, since I was thinner, and prettier. Wrong.
I can't say it didn't work, and that I regret, because I don't. But that didn't make me look less damaged to others, and it started to freak me out. So, with my psychologist, I discovered that maybe my problem was exactly where I was avoiding to search: in my social relationships.
Losing weight it's absolutely easy when compared to dealing with my pain, with rejection, and with friendship and love issues. At least to me. So I started doing my nutricionist's diet plan and going to the gym a lot (because you can't get rid of the thin obsession like that) and I pushed myself a lot more to be more social.
It worked. I feel better, I don't feel rejected or unhappy at all. I'm so much more me, and more loved than I was before.
And I'm also thinner, and approved at school.
It's like my heart is finally getting a propper band-aid. Not a band-aid, but it is probably being healed, or getting stitches. I still feel pain, of course, but it is being overwhelmed by all the joy and peace of mind that is coming to me in this past few weeks.
I feel released, and you are NO better than my power of will.
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